Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert is dealing with a broken left hand. | Photo by Joaquin Torre/Los Angeles ChargersLos Angeles Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert broke his left hand in a game last week and his status for Monday night’s game against the Philadelphia Eagles is in doubt. On the Chargers subreddit, a fan posted a photo of Herbert at practice on Thursday wearing a protective glove, but it wasn’t the glove or the hand readers were focusing on.
“I’m not gay but that man is an absolute hotboy and I will fight anyone that disagrees,” one commenter wrote.
“I AM gay and I concur,” another replied.
(For the record, I am gay and I also concur.)
The photo in question shows why:
That is thirst-trap writ large. It’s no wonder Chargers coach Jim Harbaugh can’t contain his man-crush on Herbert. “There’s not one gene in his body I wouldn’t like immediately trade,” Harbaugh has said, among other gushing things.
The thread set up to discuss Herbert’s hand evolved into a form of homoerotic romance, dubbed by one commenter “Boltback Mountain.”
“I’m not homosexual but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Justin Herbert,” said the post that kicked it off.
“We won’t ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching him tighten his a** as he chops wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off his body. I’ll run upstairs and ma*turbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Justin. I won’t be able to climax and I’ll eventually go back downstairs, angry.
“Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other’s eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury him outside the log cabin. Then he’ll go inside, pen a brief missive to his departed friend, and commit su*cide, never able to deal with life without his one true platonic love.”
That steamy interlude was followed by a couple of copypasta posts from memes of old:
“I’m not homosexual, Justin and I.. it’s different. It’s like ancient Greece, so like marble stuff all over. Pillars and like marble baths. Togas. He just kind of holds me, ya know? I have a wicker basket of grapes and I delicately offer him one grape at a time. Maybe he does a brief squeeze and giggles before feeding me a plump, juicy grape.
“Nothing sexual. No homo. Just the safety, the security of holding each other, nourishing one another with lush, purple, plump grapes.”
What I liked about the thread is that people played along with the spirit and didn’t post anything homophobic or rude. As one commenter said:
“This whole thread could be compiled into a woman’s (or man’s, not that there’s anything wrong with that) erotic novel and probably be fairly successful. Even with that picture as the cover. Imagine seeing it on mee maw’s bedside table amongst the hard candies. As you gasp in awe of grandmas superb taste, she sees you, winks and whispers ‘bolt up.’”
As for the game itself, the Chargers expect Herbert to try and play. If so, fans watching ESPN and ABC can see what all the fuss is about.
