Just when you thought ’70s remakes were played out, Dax Shepard (Parenthood) has made the one that should have come first. With his new movie CHiPs–which he wrote, directed and stars in–he hopes to revive all the khaki-covered gay fantasies sparked by a classic show about two SoCal motorcycle cops.

Why did you want to make a movie about these guys?

Separately they’re idiots, but together they’re a perfect human being. My character, Jon, is an emotional genius, and Ponch (Michael Pena) is a logical genius. Plus, having grown up in Minnesota, I loved the California setting. The motorcycles and Jon and Ponch–it was like taking a vacation every week.

You really get into the origins of homophobia.

When I meet Ponch, I’m in the locker room wearing skintight underwear. You can definitely see my penis, and I go to hug him, and he’s not into that. So I go, “Hey, if you’re homophobic, I respect your right to be.” And he says, “That’s not the definition of homophobia.” We end up exploring that, and it’s never done in this generic, alpha-male way. It’s sincere.

There’s actually a lot of penis humor in the movie.

My wife [Kristen Bell] has the hardest time understanding my fascination with this, but I think the penis is one of the most tried-and-true comedic tropes there is. It’s just so goofy that we have this thing hanging between our legs. She doesn’t agree with me.

She thinks it’s dramatic?

I think she feels a bit of ownership over it.

I read you did your own stunts.

A lot of them. I’m a very confident stunt car driver and pretty good on a motorcycle. But there’s a ton of tricks I can’t claim to have done. There was a stunt guy named God Bod who emasculated me daily, and I was grateful for it.

You look jacked.

One of the kids who worked on the film is Zac Efron’s brother. I said, “Ask your brother for tips.” He sent back, like, an 11-page thing. It was the most scientific approach to looking good with your shirt off: “15 minutes before your scene, you’re going to have seven nuts. Then you’re going to have a glass of water and do 22 push-ups.” No wonder nobody has a chance.

Rumor has it you have one of the largest endowments in Hollywood. True?

I can’t say for certain. But there’s no reason someone with Karl Malden’s nose and a weak chin should be as confident as I am.