Bridgerton season four served us a shocking amount of spicy scenes. I can’t believe we’re only halfway through. Here is a very shameless ranking of all the Bridgerton season four spicy scenes by steaminess, from the cringiest to the most swoon-worthy.

10. Benedict and Sophie on the staircase

Their X-rated antics in the staircase is really the pinnacle (see what I did there?) of season four part one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super hot the first time you see it. But once you’ve heard Benedict ask Sophie to be his mistress, it’s hard to watch the scene without cringing pre-emptively. For Benedict’s daftness, this scene has been banished to the bottom of the ranking.

9. Francesca and John, take one

About 22 minutes into the third episode of season four, Francesca finally f***s someone. After their very vanilla interaction, John says, “Well, that was very nice”. Yup, “nice” is an appropriately bland word.

8. Benedict and various hook-ups

There is evidence of Benedict’s rake behaviour at six minutes and 16 minutes into the first episode. At this point in the show, we’ve seen so much of Benedict sleeping with artsy people in shadowy orangey rooms, that I’m just numb to it.

7. Alice and Will

I may have forgotten until just now that the Mondriches have sex 14 minutes into episode one. As cute as they are, their scene wasn’t long enough for the heat to build.

6. Francesca and John, take two

41 minutes into episode four, Francesca returns to the bedroom with her new sex ed. It’s an improvement from last time… until she fakes a “pinnacle”. Their DMC is super sweet (and rather tragic), but not exactly spicy.

5. Sophie and Sophie, and Benedict and a pencil

I’m talking about the Benophie scene halfway through the fourth episode. Yes, I know the couple don’t technically touch each other. Benedict snaps some graphite, and Sophie touches herself. But all this yearning is building up more and more heat. It’s the equivalent moment to Mr Darcy’s hand flex in Pride & Prejudice, and humanity still hasn’t recovered from how sexy that was.

4. Benedict and Sophie by the lake

A Mr Darcy wet shirt moment? Admitting their feelings mid-argument? Nice countryside scenery? My only complaint about this scene is that it wasn’t longer. It’s 45 minutes into episode three, in case you need a refresher.

3. Colin and Penelope

40 minutes into the third episode, Netflix gives the people what they want: Colin and Penelope f***ing in a carriage. The sequel to the infamous carriage scene is extra hot because it’s the only time in season four we see a woman be just as, erm, enthusiastic as the man. The other girls in this season are either a) lying back and smiling politely or b) nervy and coy. Pen clearly has her husband well-trained. 10/10.

2. Lord Anderson and the tea

Loving this scene is a matter of feminist principle. We’ve watched so many hot young people sleep together on Bridgerton, and in pretty much every other period drama. It’s super refreshing to watch two hot slightly older people have a steamy moment too. Finally, we have a middle-aged mother in a TV show who has a personality beyond being a middle-aged mother! The rarity of this storyline makes the scene extra precious and squeal-worthy.

1. Benedict and Sophie and the bath