The Irish actor, already on a streak of dreamy, tortured roles (Normal People, Aftersun, History of Sound), decided to turn up the gay chaos by getting wet, dirty, and deliciously hairy for his latest Rolling Stone cover shoot. Arms up. Eyes smoldering. Armpits gloriously untrimmed. Wet shirt clinging to every curve of his chest. If thirst-trap were a religion, Paul just became its patron saint.

And gays, admit it — you clicked for the photos before the interview. We all did. No shame here.

But between the shirtless wet looks and one questionable-yet-sexy pair of Daisy Dukes, Mescal actually gave us plenty to chew on (besides his abs).

Future Sir Paul (Literally)

One of the biggest reveals? Mescal is already deep in rehearsals for playing none other than Paul McCartney in Sam Mendes’ ambitious Beatles biopic series set for 2028. “I’ve met him a couple of times. I adore him. I think he changed the world,” Mescal told Rolling Stone. Which is cute and all, but let’s circle back to those McCartney hips… Mescal will sing. He will strum. He will probably make us cry. Again.

But before we get to the Fab Four, Mescal is also dropping into tragic Shakespearean territory this fall with Hamnet (out November 27), where he stars in the story of Shakespeare’s son’s death and the inspiration for Hamlet. Translation: Paul’s sad eyes in 4K. Stock up on tissues now.

Of course, no one’s pretending they opened this Rolling Stone issue just for the literary insight. No, babes — we’re here for the sheer cotton clinging to every crevice of Paul Mescal’s torso. The sweat, the dirt, the feral energy. There’s even a shot of him leaning against a tree in shorts that can only be described as dangerously close to Daisy Dukes. We’ve had priests, warriors, and tortured lovers, but “Wet Forest Boy Paul” might be his most iconic role yet.

On Andrew Scott, God, and Gay Divinity

And because the universe knows how to keep gay hearts fluttering, Mescal also gave a shoutout to his former All of Us Strangers co-star, Andrew Scott. Quote of the century:

“If God was a real person, I think he would be something like an Andrew Scott.” Honestly, same.

Gay Twitter nearly combusted — not that it takes much when both these Irish heartbreakers are in the same sentence.

Mescal also opened up about his journey from Gaelic football (Irish football) to acting, tracing it back to a high school production of Phantom of the Opera. One taste of the stage and he was hooked:

“Oh, this [acting] is fully a drug. This is glorious.”

That led him to the Lir Academy in Dublin, where he went from sports star to self-doubting drama kid, hustling to catch up with classmates who’d been acting for years. Relatable king.

And like the rest of us, Mescal has his down days.

“I don’t think I was generally in a great spot psychologically last year, and I found it useful to be on my own for that — and also for the films themselves. Kind of a happy accident, I suppose. Not that I would chase that anymore.”

Vulnerable, hot, hairy… check, check, check.

So yes, Paul Mescal is talented. Yes, he’s versatile. Yes, he’s about to play a Beatle. But let’s be real: right now, he’s the dirty, wet, hairy fantasy of the fall season. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.